Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
