Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
