So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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