the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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