You're my little dorito
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
