I faked an abortion last night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
