I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't deserve a penis
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
