I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Enjoy the penises
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
