Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
