I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
