You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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