Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
