So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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