I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
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Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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