i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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