that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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