just come out here and I will go home with you...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's shark week go big or go home
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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