I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
