Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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