woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
