What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
