Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
