Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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