so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
