I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
