was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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