My friends, they love my intelligence
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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