Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
