HIV tests are more positive than that guy
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
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I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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