yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
