I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
