god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My Higher Power is John Stamos
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
