Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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