Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
