check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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