i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
