so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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