i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize