the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i love accidental penises.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
