It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
only if we run a train.
done.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
