Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
