Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
