I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
