I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
