WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
