Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
