I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
