I have demons in me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
