Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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