I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
