she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
