Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
ok first of all what the fuck
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
