I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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