I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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