An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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