She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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