I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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