Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
