I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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