Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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