On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
