She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
