she woke up with a sticky ear
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
