She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Holy sore nipples Batman
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
