What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
