I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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