I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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