Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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