About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
