I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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