I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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