Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
